Enemies By Design: How The US And USSR Shaped Each Other's Identity

- Without Pretending to Be Someone You're Not

By Angela Chukwuelue

Let’s cut through the noise: building real, lasting relationships isn’t about playing some social chess game. It’s not about perfect timing, fancy gestures, or being universally likable. It’s about showing up. Honestly. Imperfectly. And consistently.

If you want real relationships that don’t fizzle out like a birthday candle in the wind, you need to stop doing what looks good and start doing what actually feels right.

Here are five ways to do exactly that no fluff, no fakery, just the real stuff that keeps people in your life for the long haul.

1. Show Up When It’s Inconvenient

It’s easy to text “I’m here for you” at 2 PM with a coffee in hand and zero obligations. But real connection? It’s forged in the inconvenient moments, the 1 AM phone calls, the unreturned messages you follow up on anyway, the times when you need space but they need you more.

I remember a time my friend’s dad died. I was slammed with deadlines, drained, and frankly didn’t know what to say. But I showed up at her door with a half-eaten bag of chips and no real plan. We sat in silence for hours. That moment? It did more for our friendship than years of laughter ever could.

Bottom line: Your presence > your polish.

2. Be Brutally Honest (With Love)

Politeness is for acquaintances. Honesty is for friends.

If you can’t tell someone their boyfriend sucks, their startup idea needs work, or that they’ve been distant lately — are you really close? I’m not saying you should be a jerk. But sugar-coating your truth eventually rots the relationship from the inside out.

Here’s what real honesty sounds like:

“I love you, but that decision doesn’t sit right with me.”

“I feel disconnected lately. Can we talk?”

“You’re better than how you’ve been acting,  and I know you know it.”

If you’re not risking a little discomfort, you’re not building anything deep. You’re building glass, looks great, breaks easily.

3. Don’t Keep Score, It’s a Relationship, Not a Ledger

Nothing kills a relationship faster than tally marks.

“I called you three times last week, and you only called once.”

“I always make the plans.”

“I paid last time.”

Stop. This isn’t a business transaction.

Real relationships are messy and uneven sometimes. There are seasons where one person gives more. Carries more. Holds more. That’s okay, as long as it balances out in the big picture. And guess what? It usually does.

The moment you turn love into a spreadsheet, you’ve already lost the connection.

4. Be Vulnerable First

Waiting for the other person to open up? Don’t. You go first.

The people I’m closest to are the ones who’ve seen the messy bits my bad decisions, my panic attacks, my awkward voice notes when I don’t know how to say the hard thing. They didn’t fall for a perfect version of me. They stayed because I let them in.

Want someone to trust you? Trust them first. Want someone to love the real you? Be the real you.

That’s how intimacy works. Someone has to lead. Be brave enough for it to be you.

5. Protect the Relationship Like It’s a Living Thing; Because It Is

Relationships don’t maintain themselves. They either grow or decay. Every ignored message, every unspoken resentment, every broken promise is a slow leak. And slow leaks sink ships.

You have to feed your relationships:

Check in without an agenda.

Celebrate wins, big or small.

Apologize first. Yes, even when you think you're 60% right.

Ask deeper questions than “How are you?” (Try: “What’s been heavy on your heart lately?”)

A strong relationship is like a garden. If you don’t water it, don’t act surprised when it dies.

Real Relationships Aren’t Built for Instagram

You won’t always be perfectly in sync. There will be missed calls, hard talks, awkward silences, and moments you want to disappear. That’s okay.

In fact, that’s good.

Because if someone can love you through that — the weird, raw, vulnerable version of you — then you’ve got something real. Something worth fighting for.

And here’s the truth: The world is full of connections, but starved for depth. Stop chasing followers and start investing in friends.

Because five people who truly know you are worth more than 5,000 who double-tap your highlight reel.